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| Big News!
Ok so for those of you who don't know I've been looking at a school in Virginia called Liberty University and it looks like I'll be going away next semester!!!!!! I know it seems kinda of sudden and, well, in a lot of ways, it is! But the fact of the matter is I've been wanting to get away for awhile now. haha.
Liberty University is located in Lynchburg which is near the center of Virginia. It is one of the largest Christian schools around and has a Baptist foundation. There are few reasons I'm going away. The main reason is that I feel like I'm being influenced too much in the secular environment. I find myself being tempted constantly is so many little ways and often losing the battle. For this reason I think I might be better of in an environment where it is easier to develop spiritually and, in a sense, prepare for "the real world". The other reason is that I feel an urge to get out there more on my own. I want to start learning how to build my own life kinda. I love my family to death but I just need to be able to "do my own thing". And to top it all off this amazing experience would cost me the same or less than I'm paying per semester, for just tuition, at the extremely expensive Marist!
I just want you to all know that I am extremely excited, anxious, scared, etc. and all of your thoughts, prayers, and comments would be greatly appreciated! :)
~MikE
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| It's been awhile since I've posted and I just wanted to post something serious that will let you guys know what's really going on in my life.
The past few weeks(and months really) have been really tough, I've just been struggling with so many things. Mostly I've been struggling with motivation. I have lacked a desire I previously had to do well in school and at work and the consequences of this are really starting to show. My grades in calculus are lower than any class I have ever been in and it is 100% my fault for just not caring(Until I actually see the results of course). My work ethic has slowly regressed to a level of indifference while I had previously prided myself on going to work, with a good attitude, and getting the job done, regardless of whether or not I thought it was just a stupid job or my career. The most devastating situation though, which is most likely tied in to both of these, is the fact that my spiritual life has been hindered by uncertainty and temptation.
Now that may seem pretty depressing to you and how could it not? But thank God I am able to say that in addition to being some of the hardest times of my life these past few weeks and months have been one of the best learning experiences of my life. I'd like to just share a couple of general things that I'm beginning to understand better and I hope that you all can take something from them.
1) You cant do everything. I pretty much was sold on the idea that I should work full time and go to school full time. That way I could be making money and getting an education in a timely fashion. The only problem with this is... it sucks. I have never felt so overwhelmed with anything. I am constantly at work or school and when I'm not I'm at home feeling guilty or pressured about all of the studying I have to do but am too exhausted to deal with. So maybe some people can do it, but over the past few semesters I've come to the conclusion that it is just not mentally, and sometimes even physically healthy. Today I took the morning of work and it was one of the best days I've had in awhile... I was able to get sleep, relax, enjoy the small things in life(imagine that) AND get all my studying done. Whereas if I would have gone to work I would have come home in the afternoon and avoided my studying until the last minute..making it rushed and almost worthless. I've definitely decided to lighten my load for the future. Whether it be taking one less class or 10 hours less work or both. I have to do something that will give me more opportunities to reorganize and rejuvenate myself.
2) Be yourself. Yeah I know, it's very cliche and it is a phrase thats been used so much that it almost means nothing to anyone. But I think it's an idea that's very important. I've realized that I am sometimes so focused on pleasing others that I sometimes do things regardless of whether or not I think they're moral, logical, meaningful, etc. I'll be the first to tell you that it's a very dangerous way of thinking. People tend to think that we are a product of our environment and thats true to some degree. My only problem with that is I think there's something that is is instilled in us before we are even born.. and that is the life and the personality that God has intended for us. He has also provided a conscience in each and every one of us and it is so important to think about all your actions. One thing I've been trying to do is just look at everything... all of my actions, my habits, my lifestyle and ask... do I really believe in this or is this just something I'm doing to make sure the people I am involved with will accept me?
3) Hold on to your faith tightly and never let it go. I can tell you first hand that one of the worst experiences in life is feeling like you've lost your faith. I have never completely lost my faith but I have gone through various stages of wondering whether or not I believed what I said ...or not. I think faith is important for everyone. Everyone has faith in something whether they admit it or not. Some people like to say that they choose logic over faith.. right and what is exactly is logic? A flawed humans best attempt at explaining things they do not and never will completely understand? I tend to think that the line between logic and faith is a lot more blurry than people assume. But the point is this.. I believe that God has a plan for my life, that he loves me and desires for me to live a life that follows Christian morals and beliefs. I believe that this is true with every fiber of my being and I think that all of my trouble has originated from an idea that I can do things on my own. The idea that I can work full time and go to school full time because I'm a strong willed person and a strong, young individual. It's all wrong... I myself cannot do anything, the only reason I exist is because of the Lord and it is just plain foolish to believe that I can do anything myself. To sum it up, I believe that this world makes us feel more and more distant from God which results in us trying to accomplish things on our own. We need to stop and relax sometimes and just realize that we need God. Period.
Well that was quite lengthy but it felt good to write. This week has been much better and I'm starting to feel like myself again. I guess it feels great to go through trials and feel like you've learned something rather then feeling like you've just been beaten up. :)
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On a lighter note... I'd like to introduce to those of you who do not already know... CHAZ!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJ60G6tHndo
hahaha
~MikE
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| Just got home.. fun night.
I'm so happy and excited but at the same time there's so much on my mind that I need to work out. hmm.
Sleep would be a good start. :)
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| So last night I went to a graduation dinner/dance with a girl named Heather. We tried dancing a little but we were both home educated so we couldn't really pull it off. Let me tell you though, we rocked at the cotton eye joe dance..! The food looked mysterious and I still don't know what half of it was.. but it tasted pretty good. On the way back we listened to rap music.. man those rappers work so hard on their lyrics lol. But seriously.. listening to rap music and cruisin' at night is pretty sick.. not gonna lie. But anyway, we got to her house in clintondale and I stayed and talked to her sister and mom for awhile. Then she(Heather) gave me a dollar so I could actually cross the bridge and get back home haha.
The End.
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| school is stressful.. I really don't think I'm prepared for half of these finals. I'm trying to be though.
Also I saw a bumper sticker that said "support terrorism, vote democratic." haha I don't necessarily agree but I thought it was funny. Definitely up there with "annoy a liberal, work hard and be happy."
But seriously I think it's so important and necessary to step back and look at things(whether political, traditional, etc.) from a comic perspective. I mean we get serious about so many things that really mean nothing in the long-run. It's important to ask sometimes, is this thing that I'm focusing so much attention and getting so upset about, is it something Jesus would be worried about? Now the things that we should be serious about include: Being a witness for Christ by trying to emulate Jesus as much as humanly possible. Otherwise.. have fun and don't dwell on the low points in your life.. it wont get you anywhere.
Of course this whole post is pretty hypocritical because I'm extremely worried about finals and life in general right now. But hey I'm making a joke out of it by posting all this aren't I?? 
yeah.. my mind is a scary place...
LAter.
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